I Just Cant Take The Liberal Melodramas Any More - Road to the Middle Class

I’M so sick of watching liberal movies I just can’t take it any more. Last week I took in the latest Nicole Kidman star vehicle, Australia, on cable. It’s a conventional story about two free-spirited liberals battling a bigoted, racist white society on behalf of a half-white half-aboriginal boy in the Australian outback.

The police want to take the boy away to a boarding school—you know, just like we did with native Americans—but the boy knows that that would kill his soul. Instead he should go walkabout with the local shaman. Unfortunately the local shaman, who goes under the sobriquet of King George, is suspected of murdering Lord Ashley, Nicole’s husband. Naturally, there’s a villain, cattle-baron “King” Carney, who wants to grab Kidman’s ranch and sell beef to the Australian army at inflated prices.

Our winsome kid, name of Nullah, eventually gets grabbed by the cops and shipped off to the priests on an island that’s just about to be invaded by the WWII Japanese. Things don’t look good. But don’t worry, it all works out in the end.

See what I mean? Here we are, groaning under the cruel, corrupt, unjust rule of a liberal aristocracy that has:

Wrecked education
Wrecked the underclass family
Made health care absurdly expensive
Made houses absurdly expensive
Wrecked the value of our money
Wrecked __________________.

Go on. You fill in the blank.

You’d expect, in this time of trial, that creative filmmakers would be making compelling narratives about bumbling central bankers playing slam-bang with the money supply while their political pals get rich serving on the boards of Fannie and Freddie. But no. Instead we are treated to kitschy nostalgia trips back to the glory days of liberalism when liberals were standing alone against a world of racism, classism, and sexism. Enough, already.

Here’s the kind of movie that I’d like to see.

It’s fall and a couple of idealistic Jewish kids start teaching in a public school in Houston, Texas. The school serves an underprivileged neighborhood and our two teachers soon find themselves failing.

They’d like to get a little respect from the students but what can you do? Here’s thirteen-year-old thug that’s playing cards at the back of the class when he’s not undressing a girl to satisfy his teenage anatomical curiosity. No point in sending him to the principal; he’d be back in 15 minutes.

Our teachers often pass a room taught by crusty old Nicole Kidman. (Yes, Nicole’s a bit older than the days when she used to play blonde British aristocratic babes in the Australian outback.)

Somehow, Nicole has managed to get her students under control and she is actually teaching them stuff. She has developed a whole repertoire of sing-song rhymes to encapsulate the concepts—even including math—that she teaches.

Using Nicole’s methods our Jewish kids soon start getting results from their own classes, and by the end of the year they know that they are succeeding. How can they keep their kids together instead of sacrificing them to a system that just doesn’t care about kids?

They are Jewish kids, so they decide to start their own charter school. Fortunately they have caught the attention of a friendly Texas oil baron whose idealistic daughter, former child star Emma Watson, has made a guerrilla conservative documentary about school district employees getting kickbacks for referring pregnant teens to a local abortion clinic.

They’ll need a couple of rooms to start their school. Forget about that. You see, in today’s inner-city schools they don’t want to admit how under-utilized their buildings are, what with kids who are counted present but are actually no-shows. So they keep the empty rooms locked and pretend they are busy. The cynical principal, two years away from retirement, says: No go.

But our idealistic Jewish kids have a plan. They will ambush the district superintendent at district headquarters as he leaves after work. Since Emma Watson is there with her video camera, the superintendent can hardly say no.

It looks like everything is a go, but the liberal oligarchy isn’t finished with our heroes yet. Conservative activists have recently been picketing abortion clinics in town and have severely impacted business. Next day, Emma Watson is walking by the abortion clinic with her camera unslung. She is arrested on the strength of an obscure law that makes it an invasion of privacy to aim a camera at a woman within 100 feet of a reproductive health facility. On the strength of her documentary, available on YouTube, she may also be charged with “hate” speech.

Wouldn’t you know, it turns out that the school superintendent is a minority investor in the abortion mill that’s paying kickbacks for referrals.

Well, I can’t reveal any more plot spoilers, but needless to say it turns out that the Emma Watson character is actually the daughter of the crusty Nicole Kidman character, and Emma Watson falls in love with one of our Jewish kids as he mourns his friend, killed in a drive-by shooting involving our teenage thug with the interest in human anatomy.

See? This isn’t that hard. And what fun, what fun it would be to see a movie with all the liberals as villains and all the conservatives as heroes. For a change.

P.S. The school-related incidents aren’t just fantasy. I’ve taken them from John Taylor Gatto’s Underground History of American Education and the book by Jay Mathews about the two smart Jewish kids who created the KIPP schools. It’s titled: Work Hard Be Nice.

The abortion stuff is made up. No public school administrators in the USA would take kickbacks on abortions. Or would they?

Christopher Chantrill blogs at www.roadtothemiddleclass.com. His Road to the Middle Class is forthcoming.

print view

I Just Can't Take the Liberal Melodramas Any More

To comment on this article at American Thinker click here.

To email the author, click here.